Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
