he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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