Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
