what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize