You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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