watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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