Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
