i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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