At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
