Need sex. Gaining weight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
