Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
