The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
