i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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