I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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