I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
