I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's the barista slut.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
