Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
