I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
