I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
