maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ttyl tear gas
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
