piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
