why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
