You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
