i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
