My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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