He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
