Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
