Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
