I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
