dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
