his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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