How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
