OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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