Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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