you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
