I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
