it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
