My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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