so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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