cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
