You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck me I smell like cheese
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
