High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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