Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
