DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
