I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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