Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
