Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
