the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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