She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
