You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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