If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
