I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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