I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize