At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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