oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
