I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
