Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
