You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
