I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
