so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
