Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
