Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
