I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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