I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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