if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
