just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
