I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
