Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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