i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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