I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
