Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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