You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
