my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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