Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
