Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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