Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
