Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dick has a subreddit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
