Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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