Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize